I am a teacher

Despite the rampant destruction and violence surrounding me in this world, every Monday morning I find myself discovering what it means to be a responsible citizen of this world. When I work with children in the ASCDL at Chico State I find balance and am able to "recognize and acknowledge the narratives that constitute my identity" (p. 131). I am a teacher.

I didn't always want to work with children. As a freshman in college I was a computer science major and working with children was the last thing on my mind. I moved from my hometown of Modesto to San Luis Obispo and then to Chico. Each time I changed friends, changed homes, and changed who I was. When I arrived at Chico State, I had just changed my major to Child Development and was struggling to find myself in a haze of alcohol and drugs. In the "courtroom of demand" I had sold my soul for a good time. I was "letting all the wonders of the world pass by" ( Rushdie, p. 98) while I was in haze. I had become Icarus and was unable to stay in one place. I felt that it was only a matter of time before I felt the need to leave Chico and find somewhere else to live...and someone else to be. I was just a passerby in the floating world.

And then it all changed one day. I got to work with children for the first time on my own and I realized what made me happy. I wanted to become a teacher. However being a prospective teacher has its disadvantages for a male. There just aren't that many of us in the field and it can be very intimidating to some. I had to overcome doubt in order to find myself, very similar to Jasmine from the novel Jasmine by Bharati Mukherjee. Jasmine struggles to find herself in a new world and as a result she changes her name and who she is several times until she can finally be comfortable with herself. I too have struggled to find myself and have changed so much that I don't remember the boy who grew up in Chicago, Los Angeles, and Modesto. I became an outsider looking in and could not get back to my glory days as an innocent child. I felt very similar to Masuji Ono in Kazuo Ishiguro's novel "An Artist of the Floating World." I found myself struggling to adapt to a new world and longed for when it was a much simpler time.

As a male in an otherwise female directed field, I am surrounded with "subaltern voices that circulate widely in a media-saturated world" (p. 131). I am viewed as an outsider and I have to ignore the voices of doubt and disbelief. "They", whomever they are, question whether a male can work with such young children and don't look at me the same. But I don't want to be part of the norm, and once I came to that realization I disregarded anything that "they" say. As I continued to work with children I realized that they liked me for who I am. If they can see me as a success, surely I could too, because there is very little simpler than a child's view of the world. They don't look at my as a male or female, but as a teacher. I am proud to be a teacher. I have found myself and have finally become Hestia. I am creating a new world for children and adults alike and have stopped floating.